IVF: I'm Very Flustered

This post isn't going to be too informative, but more of a vent. 

So this week, I attended an IVF information session during the week at like 10am and it's fortunate I work rotating shifts because otherwise I would have had to have taken time of work and I'm not the kind of person who likes doing that. As someone I work with pointed out, technically I could use my sick or annual leave because it's a specialist sort of appointment but I feel like a jerk if I cut out on my work friends when I'm not actually sick. 

As it was, I was the only person there who didn't bring their partner which made me wonder if they all work shifts or what they did to escape the workplace. My husband would have been at work but as it happened he had the day off on account of being horribly sick so he missed it anyway. 

Not that it really mattered, this was pretty much what happened in the session. 

Not the traditional method of getting information to the brain but...

So it was just as well it was only me taking notes because there's no point in us both being brain exhausted. 

It also gave me a chance to people-watch, something I like to do occasionally. 

All the men looked so grave. I have to say it. They held their partners around the shoulder or laid their hands on top of hers. I felt like I was invading at a funeral or something. These people looked delicate, wrought and tired. No one looked optimistic but they had the giggles every now and then. 

I was afraid that one of these women was going to fall apart dramatically, which thankfully did not happen. 

This was kind of weird to me. I'm feeling a lot more daunted after this appointment, but through-out this whole thing my partner and I have been more like this: 

Jumping in headlong together... but probably not as fancily as this

In saying that though, I don't know what they've been through together already so I can't judge them. All I can say is that it was a strange vibe. 

That, and I feel very much like Dexter here after all this knowledge being thrown at me.

Don't look at me guys! 

However, I'm a good little tiger and I have dutifully bought home all the pamphlets and booklets and my own note taking. I haven't had a chance to go through them again yet but I will this weekend.

After all, how else am I going to amass my own private army if I can't get this done? 

Haha, just kidding. 

I'm not going to have that many kids. 

(They're going to have to be super soldiers because I'm only having like, two, max.)

Mostly it was about the various drugs they'll put you on, and a tiny bit about the procedure itself. 

So, there are a lot of drugs. A lot of drugs. A lot of needles! Followed by more needles and drugs. 

This is, mind you, without even getting to the actual birth. 

Even then, you're likely to be continuing certain drugs for like months afterwards. 

Pictured: pretty much me

You'd think they could make them taste better. 

So after all that, do you think I have any idea where I'm going for my next step?

 Right now, I feel overwhelmed and pretty lost. I do feel exhausted, mentally. I wish that when I'd spoken to my doctor about possible infertility they had given a toss.
The lesson there is never follow a GP blindly.
They're jack of all trades, master of nothing specific.

They told me to come back in another year if I wasn't pregnant, and this was after two years of trying. Two years is the gold standard of trying apparently.
If they had listened to my concerns about my Thyroid or actually realised it would be a lot more difficult for me, I could have been referred to my specialist earlier.

Then, when I went to the fertility specialist, maybe it would have been easier, or faster, I don't know.

All I know that we're basically looking at climbing a mountain that requires you to pay as you go up, and it sucks, leaving you tired, sweaty and gross and then when you eventually make it you're either going to have to be air lifted down or basically shoulder roll like a boss because you'll have even more luggage on the way down.

My bank account.