Perceptions of gender in parenting/IVF and how it affects us

I'm not a fan of Quora. I prefer Yahoo! Answers. Reason being, Quora makes you create an account first to even SEE answers, and has too much of a mixed bag of either weird teenage/tweenage people who write stupid questions and barely decipherable answers... or it's the people who are waaay too overqualified to be answering dumb questions on an internet forum and they make sure you know it. There's no happy medium.

That and some jerkface didn't like my answer to a question despite it being the most reasonable and thought out answer there and reported me - and now because I used a nickname and not my real name (for my own privacy and protection, having had a stalker in the past) I've technically GOT an account BUT can't post or do anything. Guess how long that account's going to last? Hmmm, I wonder.

If anyone's wondering, the question was something like "Do you think (actor) is the best choice for (this comic character)?" My answer was like 'no, (actor) hasn't captured the personality of (comic character) because (reason) and/or (other reason) and their version is someone entirely different to the comic character that became popular in the first place. I think they should have just made (actor) play a new character or someone else rather than (comic character) due to this'.
For context, the other answers were like "ohmigawd yaaaassssss queeen, she is like sooo hawt" or "I hate (comic character) but (actor) is sexy and shows her butt so I don't care about (comic character)'s portrayal!"

I could be bitter, but there's just something about dealing with idiots on the internet that makes you want to get violent with a keyboard against a wall.

Anyway, before I sign out of that stupid site for good - one of the suggested topics caught my eye.

Men and boys - what is the most sexist thing anyone has ever said or done to you

So I went in and had a look.

Now, some of them don't seem too extreme (or were more jokey rather than serious or vague statements and not real life experiences) and some sound like the odd fake story in the Entitled Parents posts on Reddit (like who talks like that? Did this actually happen?) but there were a lot in there that were eye-opening.

To Shower, or not to Shower?

This blog is because I don't know what to do.

My sister - due in about two months time - has seemingly cancelled the casual family baby shower/BBQ. I'm not even sure why, as I've only heard about it in passing.

So now I'm conflicted because it's her choice and I'll stand by that - no question. On the other hand though - it's the first child on our particular side of the family and it does carry certain obligations. Thirdly.. I was looking forward to it.

I know baby showers are like small weddings these days - seemingly expecting you to hire out a small room, get caterers and decorators.. give mementos to guests... severe theming issues...
which bothers me. You hear jokes about baby showers being so extravagant because there isn't going to be a wedding ha-ha-ha but it seems like you're expected to have a shower, a gender reveal party, a babymoon and all sorts of things that are just blowing it out of proportion.

Yes, it's a big event but it doesn't need to be so big and expensive that it misses the point of relaxing with friends and family in anticipation of your impending birth.
It really does make it seem like we're going back into the whole 'women's lives revolve around babies and nothing else' mentality.

"It's just a casual get together...AT THE RITZ."

Musings over dinner

The other day I went out to dinner with most of my immediate family at one of our favourite Chinese restaurants. My paternal grandmother passed away earlier this year which sucked. She was ill, so it's kind of a relief she went when she did, but we miss her a lot, especially my grandad. My maternal grandparents passed on a while ago - so I never got to meet my maternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother passed away when I was in high school.

Same for my husband, his father passed away not too long ago, his parents we don't really know as he was separated from his family. Hubby's maternal grandparents have also passed on. 

Basically, we never really had a chance to show them a grandchild but we thought we might have had a chance to show my grandmother before she went. 

Hopefully we'll still be able to present something to my grandfather, so they can meet each other. My aunt is always bringing her grandchildren around to hang out with him and I know he's stoked for my sister's impending baby as well. Then, at the Chinese, the family who runs it is known to us. We mostly see the owners, the parents, because they're always there working away but their children had mostly moved away for studies and things like that. 

So that night, we saw their daughter who we haven't seen for maybe, five years? She's had a kid too. 

It was the most perfect little baby - sleeping through the racket in the restaurant, wrapped up against the chilly air in adorable mittens, full shock of fluffy hair. 

Gender Studies of Inanimate Objects

So today I wanted to chat about something that that happened recently and what  kinda peeved me off. I know, a long list but it's something that's always bothered me.

I used to work in a fast food joint when I was much younger and it was always a pain to have people ask 'what's the girl's/boy's toy' when it came to ordering food for their kiddies.

Maybe it's just me, but I would have assumed the nutritional content would be more important than structuring your child's preference around their gender. When I became the manager, I was always telling the cashiers to ask if the customers wanted for example: the Bratz toy or the Hot Wheels toy.

I mean, it just makes more sense. That's generally the next question anyway - what is the boy's toy? What's the girl's toy?

Why not hit two birds with one stone by coming out and saying what it is brand wise, so the kids can choose what they want instead of what they think they're meant to have?

All this was many moons ago, lost in the winds of time much like my innocence and care factor.
Surely in 2017 we're leap years ahead of this, right?

Right?








Um, no. My husband and I were peckish before going into a movie the other day and were short on time, so we went to Macca's and got a happy meal each (because I could smuggle them in my handbag...oh so naughty) and the teenage cashier asked us if we wanted a boy or a girl toy.

New Born Baby Bombshell

So yesterday I got delivered a bombshell - my elder sister and her husband are now expecting a wee baby girl at the end of the year.

Unfortunately, my husband and I wasn't able to be present to hear the news in person but the next day my mother was able to come around with the card telling us we're going to be babysitters and showing an ultrasound picture or two and a little gift of candy. 

I honestly thought that even with our struggles, we'd beat them to doing it because they'd never really mentioned that they were trying. Mind you, we haven't told anyone either so that makes sense. Of course, we're super happy for them. I'm a little worried that even with this news, I'm still going to get the expected Spanish Inquisition of 'when am I going to have a baby' bullshite.

There is a chance I might get overlooked in this though. Being the middle child, I am pretty much overshadowed by her. She's smarter, more financially stable, more confident, more successful and heck, a lot fitter than I am.
She can even paint her nails without cocking it up like I do inevitably!
People and relatives may just swarm over her news and ignore asking me about it.

Then I can get back to lurking in my shadows and being creepy, like my usual status quo.
I feel like I'm throwing her under the bus in this but I really hope this is the case and people give her the correct attention appropriate to her situation and not spend it asking me when I'm going to get up the duff like it's *just* that simple and I get to rack my brain to think of an answer that won't destroy me emotionally or attack this person or relative verbally like I'm already doing in my head.

Counting your eggs before they hatch

Yesterday I went for a scan with my obstetrician.

The goal was to see how many eggs we'd managed to get lined up via all my various drugs. This guys is pretty good, expectation wise, we knew going in that we were likely to not have too many due to my AMH profile.

I think he was even being nicer to me that day than usual. The scan itself was pleasant even - well, compared to your average pap smear for example.
At the end of the day though - we didn't get as many eggs as we wanted.

He said it was up to my partner and I if we wanted to continue with the cycle but advised us that it probably wouldn't yield favourable results. Then of course, you have to pay the fertility clinic as veritable butt tonne of money no matter if you end up up the duff or not.

Which leads us to now postponing this cycle and trying again next month maybe.

Dinosaurs, cake, feelings and parties

Well my last post was a bit angry so hopefully this one will be a bit more upbeat.

Recently we went to a dinosaur themed 1st birthday and you better believe it was as cute as it sounds!

                                                  

We had super advanced notice so we were looking forward to it but also kinda apprehensive as well. 

Reason being.. we knew we were likely going to be the only people there without kids. 

This of course, was in fact the case bar one other couple. But it's a kid's party and not about us so of course we went and had a great time. It was kinda weird though, there were a few there that were old school chums that we tried to catch up with but every-time a conversation started it was immediately interrupted by a child saying something, doing something, or not being seen in the nearby vicinity and therefore likely up to no good. 

Error 404: Child not found

Another thing was that we weren't too sure what to do with ourselves or where to stand without getting in a kiddies warpath.

Disney Mothers

Okay, let's face it - mothers and parents in general usually get a bum rap in Disney movies. They're absent or barely involved, deceased, adoptive and abusive or flat out murdered.
There are many theories about this and most of them are aimed at mommy issues, which as well as being insensitive is frankly untrue.

Most Disney stories are tales of growing up and finding yourself and most of the characters find themselves in unusual or dangerous situations that hey, probably wouldn't happen if the parents were around and doing their job.

Now that said, there are some awesome parents in the Disney-verse and here are some of my favourite Disney mothers in no particular order.