An Outstanding Ovary-ation

So the plan was that we had the next cycle off so we could restrategise, maybe sacrifice a few pawns, sack some enemy buildings and.... Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh right, I certainly wasn't revealing my plans for total domination no no no... Make babies not war like I always say!*


Anyway, we were going to have a break, see what we wanted to do and go from there.

All of my internal organs lived in harmony, until the ovary nation attacked.

Seriously, in the last three weeks I've had three periods (or what I think are menses) and it's been frustrating to no end.

Normally I have one, maybe two days of feeling like a monkey is clawing out my feminine bits through a bloody orifice and just feeling lousy in general. (Chocolate DOES help.... Send much!!)

The last two haven't exactly had that appealing simian sensation so I have to wonder what they are. There has been a definite bleed though, each time so no spotting or anything.


I went to a doctor to alert them that my vagina was going on a rampage and he's like you're probably pregnant have you tried peeing on things?

Baby Acronyms

The title of this post made me crack up because acronyms are of course, a big word covering up for a mix of letters standing for another big word - or several big words.

After visiting a few forums, websites, blogs and message boards, I feel the need to compile some of the acronyms I've come across in these strange uncharted waters.

Now a small elaboration - I love acronyms and in the case of one of my previous jobs even had to make up several new ones because the manager was super paranoid about other stores using our techniques to boost their own success. (This guy was a bit of an insensitive wanker at the best of time, and a miserable bully at the worst) the point is - I like and use acronyms. A lot.

My new job is basically jargon, jargon and translating what people are saying in real time into even more jargon.
It makes my job easier, in a way that defies logic and often makes me wonder if the next person can even read my notes or if they make their own acronyms up and misunderstand me.

In this day and age though, it must be impossible to avoid this kind of short hand writing.
Besides, anyone who's ever been on a chatroom or spoken to a lazy texter will pick up some of the basic ones easily.






Pregnancy acronyms are a bit different. Some of them are in place of some seriously complicated medical terms and others inject a bit of space or a bit of humour between what could be a painful or stressful term. For the rest - it could simply be a way of cutting down typing time.



So there you have it. Before you can say:

Check out my handy dandy list of acronyms to help you survive and keep your sanity!*

Mission In Vitro Fertilisation: Testosterone Gel Protocol

At my last planning meeting, my ob/gyn suggested a random method that might help boost egg numbers. This involves some HRT with tablets, a spray and oddly, a testosterone gel.


You apply it once per day at the same time, making sure it has enough time to dry/be absorbed before touching anyone or getting dressed etc. You generally apply it where it's not going to be rubbed off or in contact with another person straight away, or within 6 hours.
So this could mean areas like your stomach, thighs, shoulders or even your butt cheeks.

My ob-gyn said thighs or butt, the nurse said stomach or shoulders, the internet says upper arms or stomach and the 'information sheet I received says upper arms, shoulders and stomach and also contains a warning for me, advising not to apply it to my testes or penis which I am positive I'll be able to avoid seeing as how I don't actually have any. 

Anyway, it comes in a pump form dispensing 50mg of clear gel. 

Does that seem weird to use this? Isn't testosterone a male hormone? Why - yes, yes it is.
So why use it in IVF?

Clinical Symptoms of Passive Aggressive Nurses

Alright, another rant.

Every-time I get to thinking I've been too harsh on my fertility clinic.. they do something stupid.
I know they're human, but sometimes they seem to unintentionally hate on me.
I can be pretty annoying, I will give them that but still.
Perhaps if I psychoanalyse myself, I'll discover that I'm venting my rage at them due to feeling semi-helpless about my own situation but no one wants to read that, this is the internet!

So.. after my last appointment with my specialist ob-gyn, I again had to order a metric butt-tonne of medications and what not, so I spoke with the clinic and we arranged for me to come in on Monday just gone to collect the items.

The person I spoke to seemed competent and helpful. So I turn up on Monday morning at the time we discussed to pick up my swag and collection of old fashioned terminology and buzz words.. I tell the receptionist what I'm doing there. She's like cool, wait over there in the naughty corner.

Perhaps she forgets I'm in hearing range, and literally like six steps away from her because she says to the nurse that comes out "I don't know, she's probably here for a test result or something."
This is after I have said to her, less than two minutes ago that "Hi, I'm Lucky Tiger, I'm here to collect the medication that I paid for last week.'
The nurse then comes over to me and asks what I'm there for.

Adventures of a Human Porcupine

So we're actively counting the days now until we can start an actual cycle and I'm excited, nervous, and yes, kinda impatient. I'm also not looking forward to becoming a human pin cushion but what can ya do, eh?

Well, today was the day it begun. My friend had offered to help with the needles as she'd been through it before, but I'd gone through it all with the nurses so I was fairly confident with what to do. I'd been told to do it early, and at a consistent time so I woke hubby up early because I wanted someone there in case I did mess up but I thought it I had too much fuss or people around then I might freak out.

I know I shouldn't complain. Both of my grandmothers and my paternal grandfather have had to use needles everyday for Diabetes or what have you, so there's no reason I should get so worked up about needles for a couple of weeks, right?

Clinical Rage and Other Maladies

So right now I just need to have a bit of a rant about my day.

I had finally taken care of allllll the paperwork for the fertility clinic (seriously, I think I've seen less paperwork when I was in school and the questions were probably easier there too) and I asked them... where to from here?

I mean, every time I think I know what I'm doing I find out I had it wrong or there's some other step I have to take first and it's frustrating. So it's a genuine question. I do not have the time, or the money, or the intent... to take this concept of baby producing lightly, and I can't afford in ANY respect to mess it up. I'm trying my best not to be stupid, but I'm getting overwhelmed, and then I lose confidence in myself. 

The clinic staff said.. go and see your specialist for the next part. Alrighty then, I thought and made an appointment for the next available day I had off. This was today. 

My specialist bluntly asked me what I was doing there. 

Sneaking backstage at the Lab Tour!

"You'll never guess where I've been!"

So last week, I took up the option that was offered to me at the IVF information night - a chance to go behind the scenes at the clinic itself and investigate their shady dealings with folk like me..

Wait, no, that was the previous week. This time it was honestly just to check out the techniques and so forth at the clinic.

I was able to drag hubby to it too... he initially wasn't keen, especially after work. I guess it's not exactly the hot nightlife we normally shun. 

There was a point where I was doubting if it was worth going but then I put my foot down because it's important that we're both involved in this process, I was curious about what we were going to see and I wanted to eat out at some of the nice restaurants out that way.

My working hours allow me time off to go to these things during the day but then I have to remember and explain things to hubby later on, or bury him alive under the tonnes of fascinating paperwork we have to absorb so I felt this was the kindest, easiest option. 

Let them Hulk Smash Cake!

Let them Hulk Smash cake?!

What am I talking about? Who turned all these tiny humans into Godzillas in a cake candy-land?!

Well, I'd never heard of it either but apparently it began in America and has grown in popularity over here in Australia too. 

What it is, is that you have your child basically wreck a cake on their first birthday for the cute factor, and you photograph them doing so. They don't even have to eat it, they can walk on it, throw it, nibble some icing, hell, they can sit in the darn thing if they wish. 

"...and I can make a huge mess with no repercussions?"

I'm only aware of it because one of my friends is doing one for their soon to be one year old. The funny thing though, is that it's sort of a PC Rule #34 that once you think about it, it's definitely as thing and it is everywhere because I have heard it name dropped in casual conversation at work and seen it in other media too. 

It's kind of clever, because it's probably the one time a parent will celebrate their child making an veritable mess of..... well, themselves for a start but potentially a floor or heck an entire room! Yet - these children are not likely to remember it and to recreate it at an older age. 

Why Sweden is absolutely Pwning Australia

Multiculturalism is great. 

It lets us respect other cultures and customs and co-exist happily, maybe learning from some and providing an example for others.

Like, let's say.... benefits after childbirth. 

Pictured: Swedish dads

The Swedish parental scheme encourages both mother and fathers to take up to 90 weeks of paid parental leave. It's paid at 80% of their salary for the first 78 weeks, then goes back to the minimum wage. This leave doesn't even have to be consecutive - it can be used any time up until their child turns eight. In a pro-active push for higher father involvement in these early stages, the men are offered three months which they can take or leave. 

What does Australia have to offer?

The primary carer (more often than not - mother dearest) gets 18 weeks at minimum wage. If you're a dad, you can have two weeks. 

Pictured: the Government hitting Aussies where it hurts

IVF: I'm Very Flustered

This post isn't going to be too informative, but more of a vent. 

So this week, I attended an IVF information session during the week at like 10am and it's fortunate I work rotating shifts because otherwise I would have had to have taken time of work and I'm not the kind of person who likes doing that. As someone I work with pointed out, technically I could use my sick or annual leave because it's a specialist sort of appointment but I feel like a jerk if I cut out on my work friends when I'm not actually sick. 

As it was, I was the only person there who didn't bring their partner which made me wonder if they all work shifts or what they did to escape the workplace. My husband would have been at work but as it happened he had the day off on account of being horribly sick so he missed it anyway. 

Not that it really mattered, this was pretty much what happened in the session. 

Not the traditional method of getting information to the brain but...

So it was just as well it was only me taking notes because there's no point in us both being brain exhausted. 

It also gave me a chance to people-watch, something I like to do occasionally. 

All the men looked so grave. I have to say it. They held their partners around the shoulder or laid their hands on top of hers. I felt like I was invading at a funeral or something. These people looked delicate, wrought and tired. No one looked optimistic but they had the giggles every now and then. 

I was afraid that one of these women was going to fall apart dramatically, which thankfully did not happen.