Sanjeev and Sadhana Prasad, 61 and 57, say they used up their savings raising their son, paying for his pilot's training, a lavish wedding and his honeymoon.
And now, they say, it's payback time - either the son and daughter-in-law give them a grandchild within a year or reimburse 50m rupees ($650,000; £525,000).
Although the younger couple have not yet commented, a detailed reading of the court petition shows that relations between the Prasads and their son's family are strained."
Strained, huh? Can't imagine why.
Full disclosure - I'm not Indian. Perhaps I don't fully understand the culture there. However when the next article is about how many wives are murdered because their husband didn't like their meal or how a survey revealed that lots and lots and lots of people in India believe that wife beating is justified for the aforementioned food "offences" or for not allowing marital rape or for not being pretty enough or the right skin colour..
Yes, #notallindia I suppose but we hear this story echoed all around the world. So here's my two cents.
NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING.
Louder for those in the back or across the seas..
NO ONE OWES YOU ANNNYYYTTTHHIIINNNNNG.
In this particular case I don't have too much information but I imagine that this fellow's parents chose to use their savings to better their child's future. I'm assuming the son didn't put a gun to their heads and demanded their fortune.
My own parents put aside savings for me to help me with schooling and for if I wanted to get married. They didn't tell me this until it was higher education time or when I got engaged. They kindly helped me foot the cost for IVF.
They let me know that they would support me in my reproductive endeavours and though I could tell they badly wanted a grandchild... they weren't doing this for that child. They were doing it for ME, because they love me and wanted me to be happy.
Another full disclosure - I don't deserve my parents. They're too awesome.
My point being - you have children, and presumably you want good things for them. You want them to have what you never got, you want them to be happy, you want them to thrive. You don't have a child just so you can run their life for them as adults because you don't like what they're doing and you can't benefit.
I've spoken before about how very nearly my entire wedding guestbook was comments from people telling me that I owed them a baby now I was hitched. Were they joking or just saying that because they think it's expected? Maybe. Had any of them spoken to us about what we wanted before writing down something that has now tainted my memory and made sure I never opened that book since? Nope.
I've mentioned before about someone telling me that I should have a baby because my sister in law would love to babysit. I don't even remember that person's name... but she had just met me and it was the first thing she'd ever said to me.
Before I experienced infertility and the struggles to get pregnant and maintain that pregnancy.. I had seriously questioned whether I wanted to have a baby. The idea of birth terrified me and a lot of my (probably) more fertile days were spent in a not very well off financial situation and a poor mental state.
Should I have a baby if I can't afford it? Could I care for the baby if I had a breakdown? Would the environment handle another mouth to feed?
All good questions. These days I'm asked not if I'd like another baby but WHEN is the next one due? WHERE is the good news? Your baby is old enough now, you should get started. WOULDN'T it be great if you had one of the opposite gender too?
Again... mostly people who don't know me well enough for any of that discussion. Many of whom had just met my child that day. Is my child not enough? Do I want to have more than one kid? CAN I? Could I cope?
Questions that were decidedly not asked. Guess they're in the too hard basket, hey?
So a lot of this rant is coming from my own experience and I'm not saying that the couple being sued is going through infertility. My point is, if they are or they simply don't want a child, now or ever... is largely up to them.
They don't have to get pregnant just to give their parents/in laws a plaything. If this guy's parents are struggling now financially, then they should ask their son to pay back some of the costs or to help out. However, we assume that the parents chose to pay for this so they aren't entitled to any compensation unless they agreed with the son beforehand.
If they're so concerned for their status in the community or their bloodline, then they should adopt, foster or set up a grant/sponsorship in their name so it has a legacy. If they're so concerned about their legacy, they should have worked on a better relationship with their son instead of putting in an insidious lawsuit that's now put their names into worldwide media.
They should care that they're asking for a child to be born, not out of love or because the parents want one.. but because they think it'd be neat to have around occasionally. Who cares that if they win and force the parents into this that the child could be born out of deep seated resentment and foster a terrible family dynamic? Who cares if there's a genetic condition that they don't want passed on? Who cares if the parents want to be financially secure first? Who cares if they can't have children? Just get one!
It's like buying a puppy, only we won't be paying for it, training it, feeding it, walking it, paying medical expenses.. registration or anything else. We won't make sure it's going to be suitable for the home it's going to. We just like that it's.. y'know, there in general and we can pat it every now and then. That's a good enough reason to make a life changing decision for someone else, Right??
At the moment, all their legacy is is being those in laws you read horror stories about. This attempt to enforce their will on someone else's life (well, three lives potentially) is disgusting, self centred and hateful. If it passes it will set a terrifying precedent in that country.
I mean, what's next? A lawsuit to make your son change his hairstyle because a mullet is shaming his family? A lawsuit to sterilise your daughter because you think she's had enough kids? A lawsuit to change your child's will because you don't think you're going to get enough if something were to happen to them...?
In short, I hope these two jerks stop their lawsuit or get laughed the heck out of court. Or both, ideally. If their son and daughter in law do have/decide to have a child... that the child has NO contact or relationship with the technical grandparents.
A child is a living person with rights and feelings. They're not an obligation to anyone. They're not a gift for others. They're for life, not for babysitting every once in a while because the grandparents want one and don't care about the ramifications that it would have on the parent's lives.
The Prasads need to take a step back and think about this and realise their arrogance. Even if society has ingrained the "kids owe us kids / marriage means baby carriage!" mentality onto us, they obviously don't care about their son/daughter-in-law enough to even give a crap about what they might want and that makes them complete scum.
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