I don't normally do this but yeah, here's a trigger warning if you've ever had a horrific experience with your lady parts and a stern medical practitioner wielding a speculum inaccurately and don't fancy reliving it via my nightmarish story.
So, here we are in the waiting room. "Check in" was easy, Danio gave us a phone charger but as it turned out there was a bunch stuck in the wall anyway. I thought that was a really good idea for a hospital.
Obviously we didn't expect to be coming here so neither of us had a jacket or any reading material. By now, it was about 6pm. There were some number of people in there, some Russian dude and his wife sat across from us bitching about Australia. Well, I think so. He certainly wasn't happy, and Australia was the only word I could understand. They were replaced by a Chinese man and his mother, who looked very unwell and had language barrier issues. Some poor man was yelling at staff about how "she's dead, what's the point?!" and I felt sorry for him.. although he really shouldn't be yelling at the hospital staff.
I think it was about 7:30 or 8pm when I got called in. I had been doodling on the back of a hospital information sheet and playing 1010! on Panda's phone. We followed First Nurse Nick into what appeared to be a weirdly shaped broom closet. He was like.. Um, just wait here and I'll try to find a bed. Here, wear yet another muu-muu!
He returned with a bed and then had to sheet it. The room was absolutely freezing. Nick poked around, checking what hurt and what happened. He even poked my toes, which was incredibly brave of him seeing as how my white socks looked absolutely filthy. They weren't, it was just the floor I'd been walking on.We had the same thing in a rental home when I was a kid - the floor had even been cleaned that day, it's just the kind of tiles they are.
During this time, Terse Tomas - the doctor attending to me arrived. Only he didn't bother to introduce himself, just basically said 'what do you want.' And I get it, this is the emergency section, obviously he has to get to the point and quickly. I explained what happened - he kept talking over me, didn't seem to read the file and then told me to speak up while he continued to talk over me.
He then dropped the bombshell that he thought the GP was stupid for sending us here because their ultrasound machine was powered down for the night. I don't make a habit of going to the ER - in fact, I'm pretty sure this is the only time I've been there for myself. This didn't sound right though, why would an ER shut down anything? I don't know.
Tomas poked me a lot - Panda recalled later that the doctor saw me wincing in abstract pain but the way he keep jabbing me made Panda think that Tomas thought we were faking it or wanted pain drugs. He relented to performing a handheld ultrasound down my legs and showed me that it couldn't be clots and that it would be the wrong area for clots to form, especially in both legs.
That was fine, I obviously didn't know that so that was one thing off my mind. The pain level I gave when they asked was 8/10, and Tomas offered panadol. I said I don't think that's going to do anything because the painkillers haven't so far. He just said that they would give that medicine to me and they would check on me in half an hour.
In the meantime, First Nurse Nick was replaced by Peppy Phil - a tall, sweet man who saw me sitting upright on the hospital bed (I couldn't lie down for the pain) and immediately said that he would fix the bed for me so I had some back support and got me a warmed up blanket. He also advised that he would ask for something stronger for me to combat the pain - I initially wasn't bothered but I thought if I could get the pain to leave, then we might still be able to make dinner. I wasn't all that fussed on pain killers to be honest, what I really wanted was an idea of WHY I was in so much pain with my legs so swollen and not having much if any feeling two weeks later from surgery.
This tablet knocked me for a loop - it was great for the pain, I couldn't feel anything in my legs (in a good way) but it also made me incredibly dizzy and nauseous. This seemed to piss off Tomas who bitched at me for missing meals.. seemingly ignoring that I'd had a late lunch and hadn't expected to be where I was right now at dinner time where the only food was from vending machines.
He did seem to be a little concerned about me now and ordered a blood test, and put me on a drip.
This involved a lot of slapping and pinching to find a vein and they ended up having to use my right arm which sucked. I don't normally have vein issues but then again, today was certainly not my best day. I had to pee in a jar earlier and they had that analysed as well. He also got me a little sandwich box, but I could only manage two small bites of a cheese and cucumber before wanting to vomit and pass out.
The stupid room they put me in was right near the door and nurses station, so every now and then we would catch snippets of someone I've chosen to name Useless Bitchface McNurse Skank snarking about various patients, myself included. We both clearly heard her ask why I was even there after my pain rating went down slightly.
Uh... do you think the pain killer helped? Do you really think I would waste my entire evening here if I didn't have to?
Next they wanted to check on the bleeding - I said that I hadn't been overly concerned about it because I thought it was my period but they wanted to rule everything out. When I took my underpants off I was actually a bit shocked myself as to how much blood there was on my pad. Tomas said it looked like I might have an infection and made me get into the usual pap smear pose.
At this point Useless Bitchface McNurse Skank came in to 'help' and Panda had left the room to make a phone call.
Now, my blanket had got knocked off by these two so I was freezing. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and my shoulders were shaking. I tried to relax but it soon became apparent that this wasn't happening. To be honest... I don't think this doctor used any lube. When I think of the sensation I felt when he tried to use the speculum on me, all I can liken it to was a nutcracker, an ice-cream scoop with spikes, a speculum made of razor blades dipped in acid or a tiny, metal guillotine.
And all at the same time.
I was crying and telling them to stop but they didn't. They didn't even talk to me. After a few minutes - that felt more like hours - of complete and utter agony - Tomas left the room and Bitchface threw my underwear back on me. My completely damp, bloody underpants. Didn't even offer to get me a new pad, just left the room.
So I'm alone in the room, shivering, crying, in so much pain I could not describe it competently and feeling even more sick than what I did before. I would honestly liken what had just happened to rape. I'm not trivialising that term. I straight up felt violated and disgusted. Having to wear the same pad again didn't help either but I had no choice unless I wanted to lie in my own blood.
Someone else came in the room, an actual gynaecologist named Super Susie. She took one look at my face and was immediately at my side holding my hand. She acknowledged that I was extremely upset and in pain and walked me though what we were going to do to fix that. Tomas also entered the room again - I guess in his own awkward way he realised he had fucked up and needed an expert - and he did the right thing in getting Super Susie because she was amazing... I just wish it hadn't taken a few bloody rounds of 'operation' to figure it out.
So Super Susie walks Tomas though what he should have done (IE, not tearing your patient in two as well as being rude and insensitive about it) when obtaining a high and low vaginal swab, the use of a speculum and how a friggin' tube 'o lube works! It still hurts during this but it was more like my very first pap smear instead of being devoured by an alligator waist first while being stabbed with a pitchfork.
Susie explained what the swabs were for, that they'd be back soon and to get some rest in the meantime. She also helped me get a new pad. By now it was around midnight. Panda came back, he'd met with the relly's who kindly bought him a jumper, some food and had obviously had a chat to them about what had happened because I could see he was upset.
He immediately runs over the moment he peeks his head around the door and sees me holding my arms out for him. This whole evening has been a nightmare - it's somewhere in the early hours of the AM now and hubby tells me that the relly's are happy to come collect us whenever we're ready, no matter what time it is. We have a bit of a wait now for results and I eventually fall asleep. Hubby does too - he was trying to stay up but I saw him dozing with a spare blanket wrapped around him.
Eventually Susie comes back and confirms I had a post op infection and they were going to give me some antibiotics to combat it. There didn't appear to be anything left now in my womb so they weren't concerned about that. They didn't see any issue with me flying and Susie said that she'd seen other women have similar leg pain and swelling following the D&C or even birth - depending on what position they were in and how long for. She assured me it should subside on it's own and soon, but recommended I see my specialist again and soon, writing me a letter to bring with me.
After a while, I'm almost free to go but I have to pee badly and no-one's come back to check on us in a while. We manage, hubby helping me hobble over to the loo and waiting nearby holding my drip bag up. I hadn't had any fever or chills (apart from the freezing hospital room) so the whole infection thing was weird. I had honestly thought it was my period. At one point, before they brutalised me, Tomas and Bitchface were like "didn't you know?" like sticking my head up my vagina is commonplace or I'd had any other symptoms that I could have resolved by seeing a GP.
Peppy Phil comes back in and removes my drip and everything else they've taped to me. I don't know it at the time but despite the care Phil takes not to hurt me, I will have marks from the tape and injection sites for another week. I get dressed pretty quickly but even so Bitchface is checking on me to make sure I'm leaving.
Phil is attending another patient so I can't thank him personally, I ask Bitchface to but I doubt she will.
As of leaving, it is 4AM, and the only people in the waiting rooms are a security guard, some lady hubby said had been here since we were but doesn't seem to be ill or waiting for anyone and two random people with her.
Evil turns up to collect us, the drive back makes me feel nauseous so I don't talk much except to say thanks for picking us up and checking it's okay to open the window. Our return flight is meant to be at 6am, but I can barely stand or keep my eyes open. I ask Panda to reschedule the flight if possible - luckily we were able to get one at 9am.
Cost me $40 and Panda's buggin' me about which card to use and trying to find the booking reference number.. I sort of snarl out answers.. I mean, like the secret to life and the door to an apothecary, it's all in my hand bag! Felt like a douche for being snappy but I am wrecked in more than one sense of the word.
I feel like I haven't had any sleep but I know I at least got more than Panda did. It feels like no time at all before we have to get up again, dress, hug the children and Danio and then run out the door.
I feel woozy as hell and worried that I'll barf again, either in Evil's car or on the evil plane, but I sleep for most if not all of the flight.. waking only to get my free drink and in flight snack. Or because my neck is basically spaghetti now and my forehead is on my chest.
There's no one sitting next to us this time which is good. Panda grabs some sleep, which is also good. We'd told my parents (who were picking us up) that we'd vaguely rescheduled or 'missed' the original flight. Both true, if somewhat ambiguous.
In the end, I never got to have my hair plaited, sleep over style by Danio and the kids. I was looking forward to that because I can't plait for crap.
So, here we are in the waiting room. "Check in" was easy, Danio gave us a phone charger but as it turned out there was a bunch stuck in the wall anyway. I thought that was a really good idea for a hospital.
Obviously we didn't expect to be coming here so neither of us had a jacket or any reading material. By now, it was about 6pm. There were some number of people in there, some Russian dude and his wife sat across from us bitching about Australia. Well, I think so. He certainly wasn't happy, and Australia was the only word I could understand. They were replaced by a Chinese man and his mother, who looked very unwell and had language barrier issues. Some poor man was yelling at staff about how "she's dead, what's the point?!" and I felt sorry for him.. although he really shouldn't be yelling at the hospital staff.
I think it was about 7:30 or 8pm when I got called in. I had been doodling on the back of a hospital information sheet and playing 1010! on Panda's phone. We followed First Nurse Nick into what appeared to be a weirdly shaped broom closet. He was like.. Um, just wait here and I'll try to find a bed. Here, wear yet another muu-muu!
He returned with a bed and then had to sheet it. The room was absolutely freezing. Nick poked around, checking what hurt and what happened. He even poked my toes, which was incredibly brave of him seeing as how my white socks looked absolutely filthy. They weren't, it was just the floor I'd been walking on.We had the same thing in a rental home when I was a kid - the floor had even been cleaned that day, it's just the kind of tiles they are.
During this time, Terse Tomas - the doctor attending to me arrived. Only he didn't bother to introduce himself, just basically said 'what do you want.' And I get it, this is the emergency section, obviously he has to get to the point and quickly. I explained what happened - he kept talking over me, didn't seem to read the file and then told me to speak up while he continued to talk over me.
He then dropped the bombshell that he thought the GP was stupid for sending us here because their ultrasound machine was powered down for the night. I don't make a habit of going to the ER - in fact, I'm pretty sure this is the only time I've been there for myself. This didn't sound right though, why would an ER shut down anything? I don't know.
Tomas poked me a lot - Panda recalled later that the doctor saw me wincing in abstract pain but the way he keep jabbing me made Panda think that Tomas thought we were faking it or wanted pain drugs. He relented to performing a handheld ultrasound down my legs and showed me that it couldn't be clots and that it would be the wrong area for clots to form, especially in both legs.
That was fine, I obviously didn't know that so that was one thing off my mind. The pain level I gave when they asked was 8/10, and Tomas offered panadol. I said I don't think that's going to do anything because the painkillers haven't so far. He just said that they would give that medicine to me and they would check on me in half an hour.
In the meantime, First Nurse Nick was replaced by Peppy Phil - a tall, sweet man who saw me sitting upright on the hospital bed (I couldn't lie down for the pain) and immediately said that he would fix the bed for me so I had some back support and got me a warmed up blanket. He also advised that he would ask for something stronger for me to combat the pain - I initially wasn't bothered but I thought if I could get the pain to leave, then we might still be able to make dinner. I wasn't all that fussed on pain killers to be honest, what I really wanted was an idea of WHY I was in so much pain with my legs so swollen and not having much if any feeling two weeks later from surgery.
This tablet knocked me for a loop - it was great for the pain, I couldn't feel anything in my legs (in a good way) but it also made me incredibly dizzy and nauseous. This seemed to piss off Tomas who bitched at me for missing meals.. seemingly ignoring that I'd had a late lunch and hadn't expected to be where I was right now at dinner time where the only food was from vending machines.
He did seem to be a little concerned about me now and ordered a blood test, and put me on a drip.
This involved a lot of slapping and pinching to find a vein and they ended up having to use my right arm which sucked. I don't normally have vein issues but then again, today was certainly not my best day. I had to pee in a jar earlier and they had that analysed as well. He also got me a little sandwich box, but I could only manage two small bites of a cheese and cucumber before wanting to vomit and pass out.
The stupid room they put me in was right near the door and nurses station, so every now and then we would catch snippets of someone I've chosen to name Useless Bitchface McNurse Skank snarking about various patients, myself included. We both clearly heard her ask why I was even there after my pain rating went down slightly.Uh... do you think the pain killer helped? Do you really think I would waste my entire evening here if I didn't have to?
Next they wanted to check on the bleeding - I said that I hadn't been overly concerned about it because I thought it was my period but they wanted to rule everything out. When I took my underpants off I was actually a bit shocked myself as to how much blood there was on my pad. Tomas said it looked like I might have an infection and made me get into the usual pap smear pose.
At this point Useless Bitchface McNurse Skank came in to 'help' and Panda had left the room to make a phone call.
 |
| Accurate representation of the Useless Bitchface |
Now, my blanket had got knocked off by these two so I was freezing. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and my shoulders were shaking. I tried to relax but it soon became apparent that this wasn't happening. To be honest... I don't think this doctor used any lube. When I think of the sensation I felt when he tried to use the speculum on me, all I can liken it to was a nutcracker, an ice-cream scoop with spikes, a speculum made of razor blades dipped in acid or a tiny, metal guillotine.
And all at the same time.
I was crying and telling them to stop but they didn't. They didn't even talk to me. After a few minutes - that felt more like hours - of complete and utter agony - Tomas left the room and Bitchface threw my underwear back on me. My completely damp, bloody underpants. Didn't even offer to get me a new pad, just left the room.
 |
| "Well I'm satisfied with my work here, Muahahahaha!" |
So I'm alone in the room, shivering, crying, in so much pain I could not describe it competently and feeling even more sick than what I did before. I would honestly liken what had just happened to rape. I'm not trivialising that term. I straight up felt violated and disgusted. Having to wear the same pad again didn't help either but I had no choice unless I wanted to lie in my own blood.
Someone else came in the room, an actual gynaecologist named Super Susie. She took one look at my face and was immediately at my side holding my hand. She acknowledged that I was extremely upset and in pain and walked me though what we were going to do to fix that. Tomas also entered the room again - I guess in his own awkward way he realised he had fucked up and needed an expert - and he did the right thing in getting Super Susie because she was amazing... I just wish it hadn't taken a few bloody rounds of 'operation' to figure it out.
So Super Susie walks Tomas though what he should have done (IE, not tearing your patient in two as well as being rude and insensitive about it) when obtaining a high and low vaginal swab, the use of a speculum and how a friggin' tube 'o lube works! It still hurts during this but it was more like my very first pap smear instead of being devoured by an alligator waist first while being stabbed with a pitchfork.
Susie explained what the swabs were for, that they'd be back soon and to get some rest in the meantime. She also helped me get a new pad. By now it was around midnight. Panda came back, he'd met with the relly's who kindly bought him a jumper, some food and had obviously had a chat to them about what had happened because I could see he was upset.
He immediately runs over the moment he peeks his head around the door and sees me holding my arms out for him. This whole evening has been a nightmare - it's somewhere in the early hours of the AM now and hubby tells me that the relly's are happy to come collect us whenever we're ready, no matter what time it is. We have a bit of a wait now for results and I eventually fall asleep. Hubby does too - he was trying to stay up but I saw him dozing with a spare blanket wrapped around him.
Eventually Susie comes back and confirms I had a post op infection and they were going to give me some antibiotics to combat it. There didn't appear to be anything left now in my womb so they weren't concerned about that. They didn't see any issue with me flying and Susie said that she'd seen other women have similar leg pain and swelling following the D&C or even birth - depending on what position they were in and how long for. She assured me it should subside on it's own and soon, but recommended I see my specialist again and soon, writing me a letter to bring with me.
After a while, I'm almost free to go but I have to pee badly and no-one's come back to check on us in a while. We manage, hubby helping me hobble over to the loo and waiting nearby holding my drip bag up. I hadn't had any fever or chills (apart from the freezing hospital room) so the whole infection thing was weird. I had honestly thought it was my period. At one point, before they brutalised me, Tomas and Bitchface were like "didn't you know?" like sticking my head up my vagina is commonplace or I'd had any other symptoms that I could have resolved by seeing a GP.
Peppy Phil comes back in and removes my drip and everything else they've taped to me. I don't know it at the time but despite the care Phil takes not to hurt me, I will have marks from the tape and injection sites for another week. I get dressed pretty quickly but even so Bitchface is checking on me to make sure I'm leaving.
Phil is attending another patient so I can't thank him personally, I ask Bitchface to but I doubt she will.
As of leaving, it is 4AM, and the only people in the waiting rooms are a security guard, some lady hubby said had been here since we were but doesn't seem to be ill or waiting for anyone and two random people with her.
Evil turns up to collect us, the drive back makes me feel nauseous so I don't talk much except to say thanks for picking us up and checking it's okay to open the window. Our return flight is meant to be at 6am, but I can barely stand or keep my eyes open. I ask Panda to reschedule the flight if possible - luckily we were able to get one at 9am.
Cost me $40 and Panda's buggin' me about which card to use and trying to find the booking reference number.. I sort of snarl out answers.. I mean, like the secret to life and the door to an apothecary, it's all in my hand bag! Felt like a douche for being snappy but I am wrecked in more than one sense of the word.
I feel like I haven't had any sleep but I know I at least got more than Panda did. It feels like no time at all before we have to get up again, dress, hug the children and Danio and then run out the door.
I feel woozy as hell and worried that I'll barf again, either in Evil's car or on the evil plane, but I sleep for most if not all of the flight.. waking only to get my free drink and in flight snack. Or because my neck is basically spaghetti now and my forehead is on my chest.
There's no one sitting next to us this time which is good. Panda grabs some sleep, which is also good. We'd told my parents (who were picking us up) that we'd vaguely rescheduled or 'missed' the original flight. Both true, if somewhat ambiguous.
In the end, I never got to have my hair plaited, sleep over style by Danio and the kids. I was looking forward to that because I can't plait for crap.
As well as that, being back in our city made me long to go back on holiday and away from reality.
But, life has a way of keeping going, sometimes.
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