We had thought everything was going well. We'd been told our one egg first try miracle was going strong. For my 11 week ultra sound, I was able to schedule it at a time where my husband could be present as well. I was so excited. Last time, we couldn't hear the heartbeat very well on the machine but the OG said it was normally that way with tummy ultrasounds.
This time, we did the belly scan.. nothing. Silence from the doctor. Trying to keep a positive mental state. OG says it wasn't what he wanted to see, so we did a vaginal scan as well which revealed that our baby had stopped developing.. probably around two weeks prior. It was pale, small, and no longer had a heartbeat.
The words no one wants to hear followed by 'I'm sorry.'
We were left alone in the room for a moment to grieve and get our heads together (and in my place, put my pants back on) before going back to discuss it. I was either trying to be strong and rational or perhaps I was in shock because the tears didn't come straight away. The sight of my devastated husband was what did it for me. He had come here to hear a heartbeat and see a baby sized human, not to have a nightmare come true.
I was glad he was there with me, I don't know what I would have done if I was alone.
OG said that he didn't want to go through anything in depth with us, to go home, get some rest and he would call us tomorrow. He gave us both the next two days off work. Hubby didn't want me driving but I insisted I would be fine - who hasn't driven while crying their eyes out before, right? Besides, it was something to do and I didn't want to leave my car overnight in the city.
So off we went, hubby following me, stopping only to refuel my car (because awful timing will always be present) and buy depression chocolate.
My mother was due to pop in with some items for us. I was torn between telling her not to bother and postponing the awful or ripping off the proverbial band-aid with the hope of familial comfort after.
So we did the latter. She was shocked and recommended a second opinion, just in case.
We decided against this - I mean, we wanted OG to be so, so wrong about this but we were there, there was no heartbeat.. and our baby clearly hadn't grown or developed at all for weeks. Even if somehow it was still alive, it's unlikely it could be saved at this point.
We decided to await the phone call the next day to discuss the next steps, we had an early night, just holding each other in our shared grief.
I felt up to eating something the next day and it was during this time we received the phone call. OG was advising we operate to remove the remains, lest they come out by themselves causing more trauma, blood and probably also with a dose of poor timing as the absolute cherry on top.
He offered Tuesday for this (the call was on Friday) and I asked if there was anything we could do earlier.
For one thing, my medical certificate was only until Monday, which would mean I would need that extended. As well as leaving my co-workers in the lurch, I didn't think I could cope/recover while I knew the corpse of our child was sitting where a live baby should be.
OG relented, and advised that we could probably get in that afternoon. We had to go back to his office to sign paperwork and then report to the hospital after.
One benefit of doing this would be I would have less time to stress about it or think about it or wring my hands too much. The OG's office was good, although the OG didn't say anything about the procedure that I hadn't learnt in my quick Google search five minutes before.
Yeah, turns out there are several kinds of miscarriage.
From Pregnancy-Birth-Baby.Org.
As it turns out, I had the missed miscarriage. There was nothing unusual, no obvious signs like bleeding, pain. I didn't really have much nausea (unless around strong smells like that time some assholes at work used both microwaves to heat up a curry and a strong smelling lasagne/pasta dish at the same time) so I didn't miss that.
My husband's work hours changed a bit so I found I was going to bed earlier with him so I wasn't as tired either.
This time, we did the belly scan.. nothing. Silence from the doctor. Trying to keep a positive mental state. OG says it wasn't what he wanted to see, so we did a vaginal scan as well which revealed that our baby had stopped developing.. probably around two weeks prior. It was pale, small, and no longer had a heartbeat.
The words no one wants to hear followed by 'I'm sorry.'
We were left alone in the room for a moment to grieve and get our heads together (and in my place, put my pants back on) before going back to discuss it. I was either trying to be strong and rational or perhaps I was in shock because the tears didn't come straight away. The sight of my devastated husband was what did it for me. He had come here to hear a heartbeat and see a baby sized human, not to have a nightmare come true.
I was glad he was there with me, I don't know what I would have done if I was alone.
OG said that he didn't want to go through anything in depth with us, to go home, get some rest and he would call us tomorrow. He gave us both the next two days off work. Hubby didn't want me driving but I insisted I would be fine - who hasn't driven while crying their eyes out before, right? Besides, it was something to do and I didn't want to leave my car overnight in the city.
So off we went, hubby following me, stopping only to refuel my car (because awful timing will always be present) and buy depression chocolate.
My mother was due to pop in with some items for us. I was torn between telling her not to bother and postponing the awful or ripping off the proverbial band-aid with the hope of familial comfort after.
So we did the latter. She was shocked and recommended a second opinion, just in case.
We decided against this - I mean, we wanted OG to be so, so wrong about this but we were there, there was no heartbeat.. and our baby clearly hadn't grown or developed at all for weeks. Even if somehow it was still alive, it's unlikely it could be saved at this point.
We decided to await the phone call the next day to discuss the next steps, we had an early night, just holding each other in our shared grief.
I felt up to eating something the next day and it was during this time we received the phone call. OG was advising we operate to remove the remains, lest they come out by themselves causing more trauma, blood and probably also with a dose of poor timing as the absolute cherry on top.
He offered Tuesday for this (the call was on Friday) and I asked if there was anything we could do earlier.
For one thing, my medical certificate was only until Monday, which would mean I would need that extended. As well as leaving my co-workers in the lurch, I didn't think I could cope/recover while I knew the corpse of our child was sitting where a live baby should be.
One benefit of doing this would be I would have less time to stress about it or think about it or wring my hands too much. The OG's office was good, although the OG didn't say anything about the procedure that I hadn't learnt in my quick Google search five minutes before.
Yeah, turns out there are several kinds of miscarriage.
From Pregnancy-Birth-Baby.Org.
Threatened miscarriage
When your body is showing signs that you might miscarry, that is called a ‘threatened miscarriage’. You may have a little vaginal bleeding or lower abdominal pain. It can last days or weeks and the cervix is still closed.
The pain and bleeding may go away and you can continue to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. Or things may get worse and you go on to have a miscarriage.
There is rarely anything a doctor, midwife or you can do to protect the pregnancy. In the past, bed rest was recommended, but there is no scientiļ¬c proof that this helps at this stage.
Inevitable miscarriage
Inevitable miscarriages can come after a threatened miscarriage or without warning. There is usually a lot more vaginal bleeding and strong lower stomach cramps. During the miscarriage your cervix opens and the developing fetus will come away in the bleeding.
Complete miscarriage
A complete miscarriage has taken place when all the pregnancy tissue has left your uterus. Vaginal bleeding may continue for several days. Cramping pain much like labour or strong period pain is common – this is the uterus contracting to empty.
If you have miscarried at home or somewhere else with no health workers present, you should have a check-up with a doctor or midwife to make sure the miscarriage is complete.
Incomplete miscarriage
Sometimes, some pregnancy tissue will remain in the uterus. Vaginal bleeding and lower abdominal cramping may continue as the uterus continues trying to empty itself. This is known as an ‘incomplete miscarriage’.
Your doctor or midwife will need to assess whether or not a short procedure called a ‘dilatation of the cervix and curettage of the uterus’ (often known as a ‘D&C’) is necessary to remove any remaining pregnancy tissue. This is an important medical procedure done in an operating theatre.
Missed miscarriage
Sometimes, the baby has died but stayed in the uterus. This is known as a ‘missed miscarriage’.
If you have a missed miscarriage, you may have a brownish discharge. Some of the symptoms of pregnancy, such as nausea and tiredness, may have faded. You might have noticed nothing unusual. You may be shocked to have a scan and find the baby has died.
My husband's work hours changed a bit so I found I was going to bed earlier with him so I wasn't as tired either.
I look back now and about two weeks ago there was a time where I had a week where I lost my appetite and felt blah. Was that me miscarrying? Will I ever really know? Does it matter anymore?
Anyway, we signed some paperwork - the receptionist offered her sympathies and advised us that she called ahead to the hospital and made sure I wouldn't have to complete tonnes of tedious paperwork, which I thought was very kind because they didn't have to do that, they had no obligation to go that further step for me but they did it to make the whole thing easier for me and I honestly appreciate it.
No comments:
Post a Comment