In regards to pregnancy, we've only really discussed our current situation with another couple - a mutual bunch of friends we've had since high school. They went through a similar situation and they're in a position to offer advice and support. It's also been briefly discussed with parents, naturally.
That said, there are a bunch of people who just don't get that people are not always willing to discuss personal matters (like my vagina, for instance) and some don't even realise they've crossed a line.
What do I mean by this? Well, one reason we've kept this on the down low is because people harass us enough about having kids without us talking about it or bringing it up at all, and we figure if we flat out say that we're trying it's going to be a PR nightmare because I will be forced to wail on some people, I swear.
There is a definite difference between someone casually asking "are you considering children?" and someone hounding us. I mean, it's a fair question. We're a sexually mature (if somewhat childish otherwise) married, hetero-sexual couple.
The problem is people who hear "maybe in the future" and then decide to ask more questions.
"Why not now? Do you hate kids? Have you tried already?"
A) None of your business.
B) Unless you're a paranoid kid who thinks I'm going to hurt them, none of your business.
C) None of your business!
Then there are the family members who flat out tell us to have kids. It's gotten to the point where sometimes we don't even bother to talk to these guys because it's all they want to talk about.
They've done their duty, now it's our turn apparently!
Well, we never told you to have kids, we just supported your numerous choices.
When we've told them to leave the subject alone, they start posting things on Facebook about people who can't have kids and that it's okay, and we should all respect their situation and not assume things.
Which sounds good in theory but then when we talk to them next it's right back onto "when are you having kids??"
Does our opinion even matter? Does what we want even come into the equation? Sometimes I really wonder why they don't see how insensitive they are.
I went out to dinner with my husband a couple of months ago and he ran into a couple he knew through his father's business. So, someone we haven't seen for donkey's years and people I only vaguely know. This fellow's wife/partner just flat out asks (after me being re-introduced as wife-Tiger) when we're having a child because she's sure (my Sister in Law/husband's sister) would love a child to babysit.
I was actually literally speechless and I ended up turning my back on the pair of them. The irony here, is that they probably think I'm a rude bitch - which is completely unfair seeing as how this woman has literally just encouraged me to be breeding stock for someone else's benefit after hearing that I was married and had a first name. That is all she knew of me, personally. WTF?
Last month, we were at a work party (casual) of mine and were talking to one of my younger co-workers, who I consider myself friends with. He asked the same thing, if we were going to have a child. Not wanting to tear anyone a new asshole, I made light of it and joked that we were waiting to find the right child to kidnap but you know how hard it is with parents being overprotective these days.
This got a laugh and he dropped the subject but then discussed how his own sister recently told him they were trying, and had been for the better part of a year. He was saying how he felt out of the loop and he was only excited for them and the prospect of their bundle of joy. I hadn't really thought of it like that - but let him know that not everyone wants to chat about it until they're certain, and no matter how keen he is in having a new bub in the family, he wouldn't want the day to day updates about sex and ovulation etc.
How you want to go about or discuss your own pregnancy is.. surprise! Entirely up to you!
You can tell people as little or as much as you like (and they're comfortable with) and do not feel bad about any of it. They don't get to make assumptions and demand information from you just because they feel entitled.
Think of it as not being your womb and instead think of it as like your bowel.
These people can ask what they like because they want to make sure you're okay and regular, but at the end of the day, it's your own business.
But in all seriousness, remember to keep your chin up and don't let the suckers get you down.
*Blog may not actually instruct you on how to not punch people
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