I keep on hoping.. for cake, by the kitchen counter....

Another post, another celebratory day.

I'm not happy.

I should be, we just had an epic Australia Day BBQ at our house that a lot of our friends came to, the food was great, music was good, atmosphere was 10/10.. it was a great day.

And now at the end of the night it's like.. what happened?

My husband is annoyed people went home fairly early (I don't see it as a problem because we intending on staggering the guests through-out the day), personally I didn't expect anyone to stay super late because of this and the fact that it was a very hot day. People are exhausted just being outside. He wanted to have a few drinks with friends later in the evening, and I get it. I do.

Now he's wasted and ranting about everything, he even dropped a freakin' cake because he tried to pick it up single-handedly (it was a very large cake). Luckily, I was on hand with a giant spatula to pancake-flip most of it back onto the platter and clean the rest of it up quick smart.

We had talked about this - I told him I didn't want him getting super drunk because we're mid cycle and I need his sperm to not be hungover. Obviously this didn't sink in and I feel like my usually pretty perfect husband kinda flipped me the bird here. He's then gone on to discuss our IVF situation with a friend of ours (a good friend, mind) which isn't the end of the world but I thought we were discussing together who we were going to tell before just doing it. This happened before with another friend, recently as well.

That, and whenever anyone asked if I was drinking he'd sorta say 'oh, she can't.' It seemed like he was kinda daring them to ask why. Again, I can understand this because it's frustrating. I would love to talk about this to more people so I don't feel so alone.. I would shout it from the rooftops!
But the more people that know about it... I feel like there's more pressure on me to perform. I feel like there's going to be the sympathetic tongue clucking when I don't or can't perform. I feel like I can't deal with that, and it's stressing me out more than ever.

Yew Near, Yew Nou

I will have you know that I was absolutely wrecked on New Years Eve.

No, I don't drink. I'd just come off a few days in a row of work (doing ten or more hours per day) so when I finished work that day and we had to go straight to our mate's party......

I tried to socialise.. I really did. In the end, the crowds, the noise, the horrible cigarette smoke and almost tripping over their dog constantly (If anyone is familiar with Mr. Tiddles from Discworld's Going Postal? Basically an elderly cat so set in it's way that if someone put an obstacle in his path he wouldn't go around it, he would just stop and wait for it to move. At certain times of the day, post office staff had to open the door so Mr. Tiddles could walk through it.) just got to me.

Escaping quietly to the adjacent lounge room inside.. I sat there, looked at memes, designed a dope tattoo flash and ate my meal quietly. I contemplated my life. I thought about the coming year. I longingly thought about sleep. I toyed with the idea of putting my Ipod on even though the stereo seemed to have speakers in every room of the house.

People walked past, occasionally noticing me and asking if I was okay or cracking some joke about how I'd found the good spot.
Everyone there was so nice, and the good thing about being 'the quiet one' is that you can bugger off every now and then and people usually respect that you need your space and leave you alone for a bit. I tried not to be rude, but I was feeling so hollow and lacking in energy that it was very hard not to appear as a total ass face.

Epic Rap Battles of Birth/rebirth

Well before I fully comprehended the media juggernaut that YouTube would end up being, there was a little thing I loved called Epic Rap Battles of History.

I'm a big fan of humour - things like this, Weird Al, Literal Videos, The Key of Awesome... they really get me through when I'm feeling low.

Or Key of Awesome guest starring in ERB....

Or Weird Al featuring on ERB...

They were particularly helpful to me when I was going through a really bad time filled with stress and anxiety. I'd never been confident with public speaking, but about a year and a half ago, I developed a random stutter, and sometimes when I spoke, it was barely intelligible or it was but I was speaking faster than Eminem on Rap God. For the life of me, I could not slow down because if I did, I'd start to stutter. It made my life hard, and embarrassing. Believe me, I certainly didn't need more help with that!

So, I made a CD for my car, updated my Ipod, played my way through multiple YouTube playlists of ERB at home - initially to make myself feel better and because I liked them so much. I found that eventually, I could sing along to these without screwing up and I slowly gained more confidence.

Sure - it wasn't the only factor. But it was a big help in getting me to where I am today - someone who can go on a massive rant and be understood the entire time, even if my rantee tunes out.

That and they're just awesome. A lot of Youtubers will just upload crap every day for the views they need. ERB put things up but only when they're satisfied it's good.

I've personally thought rap music would be better if they got rid of the rappers. Everyone complains about pop singers always being about love and things like that but rappers? With a few exceptions, they are the worst offenders for being racist, sexist, promoting crimes and the new thing.. mumble rapping, rhymes that don't rhyme and brag rapping. Like.. is there nothing else you can talk about?

In three minutes or less - ERB produces a great beat, has lyrics that they've actually thought about and researched (plus they rhyme), costumes and sets that are carefully prepared, excellent guest stars and they always surprise you.
So why does actual rap suck so much compared to this?

Hello, RomeoNovemberKilo....

In the space of three-four weeks, we have not only had my cousin's latest kid with his newest squeeze (have lost track of how many he actually has now) my other cousin's also had a baby - this was a surprise baby but a welcome surprise, another relative overseas has had another child and now, my sister.

Today - I have finally met this baby.

Yep, between a delayed whooping cough booster vaccine, getting the flu and my crazy work hours.. this I have finally got around to. I'm glad I did.

I've been such a mess of emotions about this. I admit that I had happy tears in my eyes when I was sent the first photo after her birth after seeing how beautiful she was, how great that everything went smoothly and now being an aunt for the first time by blood,  followed by grief tears later on because I don't know if I'll ever know this joy for a child of my own.

I'm trying to stay positive but it's like being told not to think about/worry about something.. and then it's all you can see/hear/think about. 

The time gap didn't help, I felt like a dick for not being able to visit them in hospital but knowing that because I was sick the best thing for everyone was for me to stay far, far away. As well as that, I didn't want to swamp the new parents, who I imagine are going to be tired, and flooded with visitation requests and messages.

Halloween Hullabaloo

Well it's almost Halloween - which we don't really celebrate here in Australia but it's safe to say we can all appreciate a good costume. And why should Americans have all the fun? Who doesn't like dressing up?

Exactly. 

Frankly, a nice healthy scare is good for you. Hell, typing this right now I'm kinda scared. My birds were going nuts in their aviary and when I went out to investigate I heard a weird noise, like a possessed goose. I couldn't see one though but it's been about an hour and a half since it began and I can hear this weird bird monster moving locations - perhaps walking down our street in order to get a head start on the year's spookiest holiday.

Personally, I think the fact that stores are releasing Christmas decorations *BEFORE* Halloween is scarier than most trick or treaters but hey, whattaya gonna do?

Also the influx of meme costumes and 'sexy' costumes... which I suspect may mostly be made up of the exact same dress just painted different and sold for a high dollar figure.

If you venture onto any social media platform you're bound to find a million re-posts of excellent outfits.

Like these amazing Archer and Ratatouille outfits.























Or how about Hank Scorpio's classic 'I didn't give you my jacket' moment immortalised in time.

Sticking with the Matt Groening's theme we also have Scruffy. The Janitor. And his bucket.







Or for a more recent pop culture outfit, here's Rey from Star Wars along with her trusty sidekick BBaGoodDog.

So, here's my favourites (from what I've seen this year - may not actually be from this year)

An Outstanding Ovary-ation

So the plan was that we had the next cycle off so we could restrategise, maybe sacrifice a few pawns, sack some enemy buildings and.... Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh right, I certainly wasn't revealing my plans for total domination no no no... Make babies not war like I always say!*


Anyway, we were going to have a break, see what we wanted to do and go from there.

All of my internal organs lived in harmony, until the ovary nation attacked.

Seriously, in the last three weeks I've had three periods (or what I think are menses) and it's been frustrating to no end.

Normally I have one, maybe two days of feeling like a monkey is clawing out my feminine bits through a bloody orifice and just feeling lousy in general. (Chocolate DOES help.... Send much!!)

The last two haven't exactly had that appealing simian sensation so I have to wonder what they are. There has been a definite bleed though, each time so no spotting or anything.


I went to a doctor to alert them that my vagina was going on a rampage and he's like you're probably pregnant have you tried peeing on things?

The Big Bang Babies

So I'm on vacation and due to the weather being shite, hubby and I were idling on the couch watching whatever was in and not depressing. All the interesting shows about food were making us hungry so we flipped channels a bit, mostly weird tween shows or renovations and the only exception was The Big Bang Theory.

Now full disclosure, I have always been sceptical of this show ever deserving its immense popularity but have watched the first twenty episodes of season one and found that despite some definite flaws it wasn't that bad.

The episode that came on was the follow up of Sheldon's proposal to Amy... I don't even know what season that is so I had a limited idea of what was going on I mean whaaaaat Leonard and Penny got married? Anyway, spoilers and stuff if you care.

(Edit: it's Season 11 episode 1 - aired Sept 25 2017)

Bernadette is told about the impending nuptials but has news of her own... She's taken a pregnancy test and it is positive. She's freaking out about it as Howard and herself had been careful as they didn't want this. She confides in Penny who encourages her to see it as the miracle it is as she herself was a surprise child.

When Bernadette finally tells Howard he has a bit of a hysterical moment because they already have one child and he decides they're not mature enough to have another one. Bernadette seems to be convinced that she wants the child but is still unsure.

During some social time together, Leonard and Penny are happy and supportive of the other couple, telling them they're great parents already and if they need anything to let them know.

Well, Bernadette has an idea about that. She suggests that Penny also conceive so they can be preggo together.